The Maze and Her Path, on Audible

 

My Mother’s Story, Now At Audible

experience first:

my mother’s last decade,

a wrenching transition from her being fully functional,

the mother who was congruent with who I knew as a child,

to the mother who retreated from the tangible world,

and who no longer touched us as clearly,

Mother, and connection, still a foundation of who we are,

yet something vital, important, slips away, each time we revisit,

I then use my poetry as if it is a journal

to record, with pain, what is, 

what seems to be coming, what was,

to open the wrenching changing reality

of what is happening, 

and the striving to make sense of it all,

to open those doors and work, 

as best I can, to chronicle moments,

within the context of the larger story,

moments that call to me to still see her,

to remember the past of who she was,

to express the present of who she still is,

despite the reality of her not expressing that self

within the maze that increasingly misleads her 

into doubt and fear,

I record the journey in words, in poems,

just to seek to understand the days

and who we, and she, still are,

I am then called to coalesce all these words into a book,

which I share for free in homemade copies and online,

later Amazon evolves to easily allow

what has only been shared through photocopying and clicks,

into what can be printed and shared as hard copies,

with illustrations by a gifted friend, with a larger world,

such books are wonderful, and I share them as I can,

as the way opens,

then another friend suggests an audible book

for the word, through the ear,

can work better for her

than the word through the eye,

so I find the way:

a cousin funds the project,

a company in Carrboro, N.C., with careful engineers

helps me navigate the exacting standards of ACX,

the tech part of Audible,

I have to work hard to keep

extraneous mouth noises from the microphone,

recording each poem two or three times,

with the sound engineers grafting the best sound 

from each recording into a single whole, 

the process of correct enunciation challenges me,

each recording also an emotional effort,

as intense thoughts and feelings resurface with the words,

I work as best I can

to express the moments 

with both heart and technical skill,

two days ago, The Maze and Her Path, 

was released through Audible,

and available for sale,

the free sample available to any,

encapsulating my challenge with the book:

understanding what Alzheimer’s did with my mother

and the horror of day turning to night,

this book chronicles  what I can retrieve out of that long wrench,

my hour and a half book is out there, in the ether,

I hope that my words and my voice will help others

appreciate those in the grip of Alzheimer’s

and help us all understand and appreciate

what is still there, and what is being lost,

in the long goodbye that Alzheimer’s can be.

by Henry H. Walker

January 6, ‘23