"How are you?"
social interactions can be clumsy,
like we are pilots in rough seas
full of menacing shoals,
so we fall back on the tried
but not necessarily true,
we go forward with 'how are you?"
not really expecting an answer to the question,
except in some nebulous response
that re-establishes our connection,
in the last five years I have often paused
and tried to figure out what level of response to give,
during Covid's predation, I wondered about my response to contagion,
during Trump's disastrous reign, I have wondered how much
to comment on the social dissolution
American's grand mistakes is causing,
does the good-hearted questioner
want just to know of our health?
of our personal realities?
or just to roughly say they care about us
and only have a clumsy common question to show it?
I particularly get frustrated when asked about retirement,
for that for me is still a "work in progress"
to transition from worth and value coming from work and doing,
to letting go of being driven
and enjoying the subtler gifts of being,
having earned a vacation can I just enjoy it?
I wondered today if I might experiment with lying:
telling the questioner I'm giving myself to golf, to volunteering,
those answers which many people give,
the real answers to how I am and how I'm doing
require a leap of trust and faith between us
that I hope I am ready for
but I wonder if they are,
on a deep level I think all of us are faking it,
doing our best to be, to do,
with what is right for us, now,
at best we can navigate in troubled waters
when we don't know either our destination
or the length of this final trip.
by Henry H. Walker
July 6, ‘26