Saturday, September 21, 2013

a master worrier

of doubts and fears

within me throbs a master governor,
a worrier who fears that something within will glitch,
so I need to dampen down the fire of my confidence,
that foundation that allows me to build
my actions upon the world,
I fear my underpinnings can be knocked away,
that I will be undone just when I need to do,

I crave to do, and to do well,
and I fear I’m not up to the tasks that call to me,
the people who call to me,
those charges of God that I can hear
and who I want to be there for,
wherever the “there” is that they need me to be,

those callings can shout so loud
that I can lose how to hear them
and how to follow their lead in what to do
while I pay more attention to the doubting whispers
that tell me I am more of pretense than of solidity,
that manifest in a worry that this part of my body, 
and then that part,
has something wrong about it,
I fear that I don’t deserve to be here,
that I’m not worthy of the charge
to respond to that which the divine order calls forth,
that a bill will come due
and all that I am will still not be able to pay it.

by Henry H. Walker
September 18, ’13

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