the others' world, and our own narrow path

empathy, the downside

empathy wonderfully enlarges my sense of self,

and connects my loneliness to a oneness with others,

empathy also can enlarge my anxiousness,

as others’ sorrows swallow my sureness,

and I lose the grounding of my footing as I move forward,

I feel a slipping, a slipping back and down, and away,

sharp is the edge, narrow the path,

where there is an ennobling sureness of my own way,

enough sureness to allow the buffeting

when I leap away into another’s world,

onto their sharp edge for a short time,

I work to have the wherewithal to get home,

back to my own path,

with the other still with me,

but a part, not the whole, of who I am.

by Henry H. Walker
September 10-11, ‘18

within the tempest-tossed sea. . .

consciousness

consciousness:

what a mystery, 

to rise to where the abstract is real,

and we can consider the cosmos

and all the different places within it,

do we humans need to feel unique?

or are we less lonely if we’re on a continuum,

is the pressure on us less then?

the self can achieve a vantage point

where it becomes aware of itself,

as different, individual,

able to realize that that in the mirror

is a self distinct from the other,

others cascade in upon our awareness

and make us larger, and, also, somehow smaller,

each of us able to make decisions and feel different,

able to follow a path we at least seem to choose,

then how do we make each decision?

somehow feelings rise up in us

and claim the speaker’s staff,

the right to decide,

much of our brain like a computer 

which needs a programmer,

a part of us to rise to program our decisions,

we feel the programmer to be from the heart,

really whatever the part of us 

that feels more surely than thinks,

my emotions are as a tempest-tossed sea,

swells toss me up into a clarity and rightness of the light,

and drop me down into anxious doubt in the darkness

that waves high above me,

I am who I am,

but it is devilishly hard to know just who that is.

by Henry H. Walker

September 11, ‘18

the challenge of middle school

my dear advisee

middle school is a challenging time:

a time of great developmental upheavals,

as the child is called by the adult within

to metamorphose: physically, emotionally, metaphysically,

to rise up, to look around,

a time to allow people, ideas, change,

to cascade upon one’s self,

a self already tuned to the universe,

and then the universe changes,

my advisee, I promise

to see you,

to know you,

to help you,

as best I can,

as you give birth

to the best you

that can find the ways to reveal itself,

and then to change the world

in ways the world needs to change.

by Henry H. Walker

September 18, ’18,

Yom Kippur

single digits

the next steps

when my future lived,

according to probability, in decades,

I tended to assume continuity,

that each year was less a step somewhere,

than a continuation:

what was = what is = what will be,

now my future, at least my functional future,

in probability, lives in single digits,

and I fear each step,

for a fall is inherent in the possibility in a step,

like a climb up a mountain, 

I seek to concentrate on the next step,

to give myself fully to the short term,

and, if another short term follows the next short term,

my indefinite future will reveal itself

as the way opens.

by Henry H. Walker

August 18, ‘18

what makes me me

I am from . . .

I am from mountains

who escape the lowlands,

I am from the harsh quiet of my brooding father,

from the soft arms of my grandmother,

from the Rice Krispie candy we would make together,

I am from the smile, the laugh, the giving of my mother,

I am the allure of an angel biscuit, summer transparency applesauce,

one more slice of cake to make it even,

I am from classrooms of enforced quiet

and the desperation in a paperclip on the desk,

I am from the conflict of Matthew and John,

the action of the Sermon on the Mount

and the simple key of John 3.16,

I am from doors opening in the mind, in the heart,

I am from doors closing in the mind, in the heart,

I am from dreams of an immigrant who sought “the city on a hill,”

and could not see the native peoples and yet saw witches in the woods, 

I am dreams of a better future of another immigrant,

I am also from the nightmares that build that future upon slavery,

I am the pestilential swamp that still pulls at us,

I am also the mountains that call us to rise above,

my genes are solely from the northwest of Europe

and then from the huddled tribalism 

of the male, the white, Anglo-Saxon, and Protestant,

my soul is pulled to the glory that is God

that also manifests in difference from the narrowness 

of what seeks to hold me,

for God is so much larger than gender, than color, than religion,

we can only hope to get a glimpse of God

if we open ourselves to grow 

toward the infinity of God’s manifestation.

by Henry H. Walker

August 21, ‘18

finding the paths

CFS and the Hill

the Puritans believed in a “city upon a hill,”

within which their faith would shine triumphantly,

the world made new by who they were,

and who they worked to be,

the light within, which Quakers know as God,

shining forth so as to inspire others 

to express their own light,

as a school, we are audacious,

believing that the whole person is our concern,

we believe that student and teacher is unique,

that we should celebrate and help enable such difference,

while at the same time building connection, commonality, community,

what can be hardest for us

is the discerning of how to use our time, our money,

the finite restrictions on the infinite reach of our hopes,

to feel the commonality of our dreams,

despite the self-centered brusqueness with which we can act,

the last two days, I have joyed in long conversations

with two other staff members whose vision of the city we hope to build

resonates with the hope I work hard to live,

each of us a frail vessel, beset by tiredness, loss, doubt,

yet each of us a scout who sees where we are and where we want to go,

we just discuss which paths lead more surely to the city on the hill.

by Henry H. Walker

August 14, ‘18

a mother bear and three cubs

over the edge

our cabin is comfortably walled

and creature comforts surround us within it,

it could be anywhere

that has umbilicals for electricity, water, waste,

yet where it is here, the wild is just outside:

a national park, a creek, the woods,

unfenced nature we can enjoy

just over our own fence of screen wire,

usually the world outside is of Eden,

with only insects to be annoying,

this summer, though, bears have come over the fence,

the one native animal still around 

whose strength and attitude can challenge us,

the edge a perch for us,

but also an opening for the bear

to hope to come into our world

for the food we have in abundance,

leaf and seed and bug not enough 

to fill the holes of their hunger,

last evening, a mother bear and three cubs 

wanted to come into the Cabin

where they could smell food,

the apple so tempting,

her impetuous nose in the lead,

her claws snd muscles scratched to find a way

to the food she knew to be just inside,,

her sense of smell so acute that one M&M can entice her,

this night bananas, candy, a chicken stir-fry,

all the food inside, drew her 

for she and her cubs need to eat,

Winter is coming,

and they need to be fat,

the storm door in the way 

of the imperative of the mother  she is,

our anxieties are often abstract, at a remove,

the bear reminds us that we are only sort of in control,

that concrete reality can come over the edge,

and we can be expelled from Eden.

by Henry H. Walker

August 8, ‘18