learning to choose

the throttle & the brake

in early childhood development
I’ve questioned the amount of choice energetically given to kids,
I’ve worried about entitlement, indulgence,
particularly around food,
for, to me, appreciation of what one has
seems more important
than an enticement of possibilities,
any use of resource should have appreciation of preciousness,
and, further, whether to choose “a” or “b” has seemed
six of one and half a dozen of the other to me,

now as I think of my middle schoolers
in terms of the challenging drama we work to produce,
I appreciate all that work on choice,
how much learning to choose,
and how much learning how to choose,
is vital work we do in our youngest years,

now with middle schoolers
I feel the debilitating power of the tentative,
the self-doubt, the allure of the choice to hide away,
to not risk ridicule from peers,
an excessive social awareness, though social awareness
is how we notice and adjust to the other,
the group much of who we are,
I contend that just as self-indulgence can be egotistical
so can over-indulgence of the other deny one’s own self,
and give the group too much control,
in the play we push and push
so that the individual asserts a brightness:
loud, forceful, attention-grabbing,
all benefit from the almost paradox
of self-centeredness actually helping the whole center itself,
when each individual chooses such self-assertion,
it’s still within the wholeness of the group,
when each part is fully itself
the whole is larger and better
than it would have been
if the two-year-old had not learned
the power of the right choice,

we all need to know when to use the throttle and when the brake,
and to feel the confidence and wisdom to act within the choices.

by Henry H. Walker
January 24, ’12