"What are you going to do?"

 

Retirement Looms Closer

I have heard that people in Europe

can readily believe that life starts when you retire,

that work is but an admission ticket to the main event, retirement,

many ask me: "What are you going to do when you retire?"

while working as an educator for over half a century,

I never felt I couldn't get to something important to me,

I just had less time for extra things:

I traveled, well,

the Smokies, the Southwest, the Sequoyah,

New Zealand and Hawaii, Iceland, the wonders of Canada,

I wrote, well,

pulling two books together into hardback, 

child development and Alzheimer's,

and sharing my poetry of the year for decades,

eulogizing those we've lost, honoring students and teachers

for how full their efforts were,

I photographed, well,

capturing people, events, the natural world,

I read well, 

losing myself in books and finding myself then fuller,

I've loved well, family, friends, life itself,

so why am I retiring?

I am tired of the grand effort of fitting the school schedule,

I want fewer nightmares Sunday night

as my fears of how I might mess up Monday morning slap me,

I am also tired of hearing what is most current for academics, 

the last few years asserting a way of looking at teaching 

that doesn't speak to me clearly of student attitude, 

attitude, which is the first key to any movement forward,

that underlying truth is the foundation of learning, 

for me, primary research involves understanding 

the relationship of student with learning, 

the relationship of student and teacher,

I share the goal, I share the hope, 

with every staff member on the front line,

but I lack the energy to avoid going down rabbit holes,

I need the energy to know where the student is, who the student is,

so that we can work to figure how 

we can meet them and move forward together,

I don't know what retirement will be for me,

I just know I need to be more who I am,

more being there for myself,

with less of required presence 

and with less of well-meaning others distracting me

from the prime directive of what works best for the student,

I plan to keep doing what my soul needs,

just more of it.

by Henry H. Walker

May 26, ‘24