the value behind the eyes

 

Self-Doubt

the self can be a troublesome thing:

on the one hand, if conditions are right,

we can joy in the moment,

in finding how to make the steps 

that carry us forward,

we can trust that the next moment 

will be just like the last moment,

or maybe even better,

on the other hand,

we can learn that the throw of the dice

can make what comes next,

as a child we can learn a pet can die, 

a grandparent, a marriage, a friendship,

and we are lost for a time,

the future no longer just a repeat of the past,

we can wonder if we are responsible for a loss,

if we have lost the mandate of heaven,

adolescence accentuates the darkness of unpredictability,

the positive of what is right can feel dwarfed

by the sureness of what is wrong,

it can be easy to feel dominated

by the power of negativity,

the love of self at war with the hate of self,

some doubt can be good, 

like acidity in a dessert,

a tempering of over-confidence,

a growing-up into realizing limits, mistakes,

that the glass may just not fill,

as a middle school teacher for half a century,

my charge has often been to balance the scales,

to help the young person to hold the positive

with a bit more power than the negative,

I've loved to challenge kids to take a risk

with a comment, with a poem, with an essay,

with being on stage, with taking care of another,

friendship can be a soothing antidote to self-doubt,

as powerful connections with another

can validate who we are,

one speciality I've labored to have there for them is the stage,

acting, singing, dancing with a cohort of others,

each lifting the same weight for the same audience,

I've also loved sports for middle school students,

for there, like in plays with the applause,

a young person can excel as an individual,

and can excel as part of a larger whole,

I worry until I can see when a student

moves from doubting self

to appreciating the value behind their eyes.

by Henry H. Walker

June 10, ‘24