like at the end of a marathon

at the end of the year

school consumes me at the end of the year

as classes wind down 

over 80 reports on kids need to be written,

then I climax my effort,

taking 20 kids into the wild of the mountains:

making the effort for an 11 mile hike,

writing, sharing, living,

and then I have a break before the final week,

it’s like I’ve run a marathon,

and then I stop, dead,

in the night all the clutter of my psyche

rises up to remind me

that there’s spring cleaning to do in my interior:

difficult losses and changes and doubts to process

now that I have time to notice them

and no longer so much frenetic activity to repress them,

I feel that I am of worth

when I connect, when I do,

and when I’m past the frenzy

of being there for my students,

for my family,

really for anyone,

I feel lost, adrift, bereft,

now it’s time to deal 

with the rest of the lists

I’ve ignored in the primacy 

of the moments these last months.

by Henry H. Walker

May 24, ‘15