how to express the caring?

to reach to another

bad things happen

and we demean God when we assume

particular death and disasters are pieces of God’s will,

rather than randomness from other wills and from chance,

similarly, if we say “I’m sorry . . .”

it feels to me like we are assuming 

some responsibility for what happened

and regretting our role in it,

when we have done something wrong, that’s appropriate,

when something bad has happened, and it’s not our fault,

saying “sorry” feels a bit off to me,

after a death it can feel like

we then need the other 

to appreciate and absolve us,

I search for what to say to connect with the other,

I want to acknowledge and sympathize

with the body blows to soul the other feels,

those others close enough to me

that I can let how much I care express itself,

I can get only part of the way to empathy

so maybe what I can say is

“I feel for you for how much you are carrying. . .”

and in that way I honor how powerfully another feels,

how much today can no longer be yesterday,

Spanish teachers I know tell me that in Spanish it’s easier,

that in Spanish there’s differentiation in how to express the caring.

by Henry H. Walker

December 8, ’12